Had a few words with a fellow homeless couple who’s spot on the sidewalk I unknowingly co-opted, causing me to lose a few winks but am making up for if on BART. Also had some teen girls get on the train acting kinda wild, forcing me to bang my head against the aluminum window frame in order to awaken from my near coma to see what all the commotion was about but that was about it.
I’m going to have to make a commitment to checking in every Saturday. I thought about this some time ago as an early warning indicator, but just got lazy. Lazy that is, until my dear precious mother was murdered by a DEW (Directed Energy Weapon) right in front of me. I never mentioned this before but right after her murder I was treated to a very interesting bit of street theater. Some guy in an SUV had made up some big sighn about his mother dying and him not having enough money to pay for her funeral. He displayed this sighn on San Pablo ave just a few blocks from where my mother’s apartment complex was, days after she died. This was meant to anger and provoke me into making some kind of attack on those who I suspected we’re responsible for her murder. I should have taken pictures but then againt, if such wicked antics aren’t already familiar to you then what would be the point? Soon enough you disbelievers will see the reality you don’t want to accept.
Anyway, I will now commit to posting just a short note, every Saturday, to let you know that I am still here and have not been yet murdered by those unseen evil forces that really control our reality. The same ones that murdered my mom. Don’t get me wrong, I fully expect and hope for this, as it will be the most sure testamement that I was really on the side of right, standing by by God and my favorite human/Godman Jesus, dying just like he did.
All the Apostles we’re murdered by the way, and my mom knew the risks as I explained them to her. She told me to keep fighting, which makes her a martyr, the highest position one can have in Heaven.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a definite effort to squelch independent voices, but isn’t it funny how the largest and most successful of them somehow carry on?
I recently had a very interesting conversation with a mature woman who had imigrated from China. I asserted to her that free speech did not exist there, her response was to the contrary. She said “Oh no, you as an individual can say anything you want, no one will come after you. It’s only when you begin to organize that you will feel the government’s disapproval.” I found her statement very chilling. In other words, any successful movement in opposition to the establishment, as a practical matter, has to be state sanctioned. I then began to take a hard look around.
Gee, I thought to myself, could the true unseen powers that be actually employ the same method here in our great nation, land of the free and home of the brave?? Again, I took another hard look around the alternative media landscape.
Who are the two most successful alternative media personalities that have the largest followings and biggest platforms. Hmm, now let me think for a moment. Who have been both the alternative media leaders and forerunners to pioneer the breaking of critical stories about what the evil left have been up to. Gee, I wonder who those two could be?? Anyone residing in Texas and my hometown of San Francisco perhaps?? Friends even, of the President himself?
I can tell you this much, that if those two were to ever meet me they wouldn’t like me very much. Because I have been watching for over six years on a near daily basis I would have a lot of uncomfortable questions for them concerning their contradictions and hipocracies. Most people don’t have the time to listen like I do. I believe I even made a YouTube video a few years back about “Pied Pipers”.
This whole attack on the alternative media is just a ruse meant to strengthen and focus support for the two only surviving front men, who knows what their true motives are. I would like to think that they are actually double agents such as the Game maker and crew in the movie The Hunger Games but that’s probably just wishful thinking.
No, what experience has taught me is that when someone is decieving you it is almost always to your detriment, in the real world at least. Another wishful thought is that perhaps they are double agents and are just trying to clear the channel of alt media noise by attacking other alt media contemporaries because they truly know what’s best for us but again, deception.
As much as my wishful thinking helps me hold my nose as I listen to them both, I think their heart’s are as dark as any abyss.
As an explanation point to what I’ve just said, not more than one hour passed before the Berkeley Police showed up after posting this and told me I had to move. Harrassment at it’s finest.
Even as I was composing this post in my tent located on a deserted island on Shattuck Ave., right behind the Berkeley Bowl grocery store, I heard a man shout “Get up and go to work you bum!” from the street adjacent to my tent. Shortly thereafter, the Berkeley Police showed up and told me I had to move. Mind you, there are tents located up and down Shattuck Ave., unmolesteted and undisturbed. But post a little truth about our condition and look and behold, the thought Police show up. Where are you when real crimes are being committed? Where are you when stores are being robbed, innocent people being killed, women being raped and children being molested? Apparently, some obscure homeless blogger speaking thought provoking truth is top priority above all the aforementioned.
Shame on you, you traitors to our country, you coconspirators to those abominable crimes you let go unprosecuted. Rather than persue real criminals you go after those of us trying to seek real justice. How do you sleep at night, in your multi-thousand dollar homes?
And one more thing. I’m in the midst of a transformation. I’m transforming from what I used to be into something much harder and much more tough. Don’t attack me unless you expect opposition. I am kind and generous but I am also not letting bygones be bygones, anymore. Fair is fair. Leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone but attack me only expecting the same in return.
Baring my teeth gentlemen, showing the fangs…
just thought I would give you an update as to my current doings and whatnot, you know, without giving away too many secrets and such… The life of a fugitive is so interesting and exciting. I actually did see a bona fide rainbow a couple of weeks ago and cried. First one I’ve seen in years. Thank you for loving us so much Father God, thank you so very, very much.
Not much to tell really, pretty much still homeless or, “address challenged” to the more sensitive among you. It’s alright, you can say it, I don’t bite, A BUM. There now, doesn’t that just clear the air right up? I never hesitate to tell people of my housing status upon first meeting, especially girls. What’s to be ashamed of? There are quite a few of us out here, some by choice. Yes, I’m living out here on God’s good graces and humor, homelessness is the new black!
As to my legal status, I often joke with one of the volunteer legal assistants that I have no use for her services since I’m officially an outlaw and how much of a shame that is. I then tell her how cute I think she is and compliment some unique feature of her personage every time we meet, she really seems to get a kick out of our exchanges. God, how I love girls! Is there anything in this world better than a woman’s smile?
Not sure where to go or what to do at the moment, isn’t that terrible? I feel as though I’ve said, warned and prodded as much as can humanly be expected and that now, well, it’s just up to you folks as to what you’re going to do. I’m exhausted. Sure, I meet the occasional person who needs waking up now and again but really, if you aren’t woke now then what real hope is there for you? There comes a point when words become useless, I’m now just waiting to see which direction humanity will take. I know what side I’m on. Whatever glorifies the human being to the exclusion of all else. Fuck you Satan and all of your fucked up children. Let’s do this!
Yep, that is the question, what will humanity do? Choose to save themselves and fight evil or give in to their destruction. Give me your broken, your dumb and your hopeless just as long as they have enough sense to want to live. I’ll take anyone willing to fight so long as they see what’s coming and want to save themselves, I honestly don’t know what kind of insanity compels people otherwise (fools). It shouldn’t be that hard to see in an era where information abounds, for however long it does. The clock has been ticking and now time’s up. What are you going to do people, live or die?
The poisoning continues, the twenty four seven torture. I hear there is a former Catholic Nun who has found a cure so I’ll give that a shot but really, unless I’m actually incapacitated it won’t stop me. Evil has to be opposed wherever it is found no matter the conditions or, condition of the fighter. They have stepped up their gassing assaults lately but so what? I never get depressed nor very fatigued at all and consider their attempts to kill me a high honor.
Judge a man best by his enemies, some wise person once said long ago… Take a good care.
My recent experience with doll set in motion a path of discovery that has brought me to a general conclusion. All leaders are born but are finished in the “making”.
I can’t help but think that my stupidity and ignorance concerning male-female interpersonal relationships has actually proved to be an asset in my activism. We’re I to have been like most folks, programmed by all of the lifelong conditioning to value traditional social norms, I would never have been able to do as I’ve done. The social programming that teaches most people to value things like chasing the opposite sex, social standing, personal reputation, Hypergamy, and marriage would have prevented me from acting against those conventions for the sake of selfless greater good. The very quality demanded of effective leaders. After all, why should I follow someone into danger if that person has never made direct sacrifices themselves, has never themselves lost skin in the game?
In focusing so heavily on altruistic endeavors to the exclusion of romantic interpersonal relationships, I allowed those skills to rust. You have to stay in practice to stay sharp and I paid a bit of a price emotionally for that neglect. Such a positive accident though since the experience brought me back to the very core of what it is I’m really all about, that being the health and welfare of the human family. I have now come full circle, having explored the farthest reaches of the human condition to finally circle back around to the most basic of fundamentals. Is romantic love now in the cards for me? I suspect not unless she’s some sort of goddamn kick ass, hard-charging General like me, who gets off in staring death in the face to save others.
Not easy, I can tell you that much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I am a classic Sigma, showing most all of the characteristics assigned to the type. I usually hate authority but will follow competent leadership when necessary, be them male or female. I do not want to be the boss nor the center of attention but will step up to the plate when called upon. I prefer to be solitary but do enjoy the company of people from time to time, the more diverse the better. My interests and hobbies are disperate and arcane. I am always considered smart but just a little off and I will speak my mind without regard to consensus. I revell in standing apart from the crowd. I am also highly moral but detest organized religion, yet hold rigid Christian beliefs. I am preoccupied with the greater good and will always choose the higher path regardless of personal cost. I also cherish civil disobedience as social commentary and practice being a scofflaw in the face of judicial hypocracy. My motto is to live and let live, a citizen of the world and a slave to no one. I love deeply and passionately but will abandon if that is the best choice, even matters of the heart must make sense. I am usually fearless and will confront wrong when aware of it, at the greatest of personal cost sometimes.
Who knew? I was a Sigma all along…
Thank you doll…
God brings people into your life to teach you and conversely, so that you may enhance their lives as well. I have recently had the sincere pleasure of just such a blessing in the person of a delightful young woman that for the sake of anonimity I will call “doll”.
Doll has been a special gift in that she has caused me to examine both life and myself as I had previously not done. In the short time span of the six months we have known each other, amourous expressions evolved into a tenuous friendship. It seems as though it is all over now as the original circumstances which brought us into each other’s orbits have run their course and I must say, they were quite unique circumstances indeed. Let me tell you though that even if I never see nor speak to her again (a very likely mutual choice), I will forever be grateful for the blessing that was her aquantance and enhancement to my life.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all a bed of roses, there were uncomfortable and flat out embarrassing moments bordering on the creepy, from both her and me. I awoke more than once to her either standing over me as I slept and even doing some improvised ballet. Those incidents freaked me out a little. As for my part, my shyness in the beginning kinda creeped her out as she is a very beautiful young woman of 26. I dont normally get nervous but her nervousness made me nervous. There was a mutual attraction there that eventually ran it’s course after she thankfully friend zoned me (mistakenly determined I was gay) and the pressure was off. No, we were never physical and admittedly I was attempting to infiltrate the LGBTQ community at the time (as so accused by my new trans friend) for literary purposes, so her mistake was understandable. I just let her assume simply because I enjoyed the intimacy of being her friend in a paternalistic sense. Or so I thought.
Life can sure throw you some curves, especially when God decides it’s time for you to grow and especially so if you ask him for that growth. Boy, was I about to recieve a doozy of a lesson too.
Doll suggested that we move in together as roommates! You could have knocked me over with a feather. An immediate sense of surprise was followed by an immediate sense of exilleration and then dread. You see, in the beginning of our aquantance we did sort of catch feelings but since I didn’t act upon them she thankfully friend zoned me which I was fine with simply because I thought the age difference made us inapropropriate for one another. I’m twice her age for goodness sake. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m right but at the time it was just easier for me, I wasn’t looking to get involved and because of my Christianity, I don’t fornicate. I have plenty of opportunities but choose not to and am quite happy with my choice. I know some will decide I’m just involuntarily celibate or some other kind of mal-adjusted freak but believe me, such is not the case. I simply have other priorities than chasing women for sex as you can see by my blog.
Anyway, now I have a problem. Instead of just seeing and talking to doll casually two or three times a week, I will now actually be exposed to her every single day in the most intimate of settings. Come on, I’m only human and a dude at that. Need I say more? Shock turns to concern as I realize I have to tell her the truth.
For all I know, she may have actually still had romantic feelings for me but was simply keeping her options open. She could also have been sincere and simply thought of us as friends, I guess I’ll never know. One thing I knew for certain was that I was not going to allow her to enter into such a situation without having all the T, that I had feelings for her that even I hadn’t realized until backed into this particular corner.
Love had reared it’s ugly, ugly head.
Ugh! I hate feeling this way. I’m totally fine now mind you but a couple of weeks ago I was a pathetic mess. No wonder people run from this thing. Damn thing is so very, very sneaky too.
Plans were immediately called off, excruciatingly awkward feelings all around that ran the gamut on both our parts, what a painful ordeal. Doll had been seeing her ex boyfriend and thus had an easier time of it than little ol’ single me. I in turn, relied upon YouTube relationship videos to get me through. This is where the blessing part comes in.
Both doll and I had finally come to the conclusion that God had put us in each other’s paths, surely for different reasons. For her I suspect I was meant to clarify the man she was actually supposed to be with (not me) and for myself, an aspect of humanity that I had almost completely ignored up until this moment, romantic love.
In my search to alleviate the pain and confusion that this near miss had caused, I had sought solace in watching YouTube relationship coaches and videos. You know what I discovered? I discovered that even though I had been twice married I was still as dumb as a bag of hammers concerning male/female relationships.
You see, I grew up in a single parent household, it was just me and my mom, no male role model around. There are simply things I was never taught nor learned. I then ran across relationship and dating coaches on YouTube and instantly understood what had happened between doll and I. It was a profound epiphany. I don’t want to bother doll nor stress her out anymore than has already occured, but if we ever do speak again I will thank her for having come into my life. It is due to her that I now have the missing pieces to both my personal development as well as my activism. Thank you so much doll, you’ve helped me more than you could ever know.
My primary goal as an activist is to save humanity in every way that it needs to be saved. Physically, spiritually, culturally etc. The key factor that I had been overlooking had been the most critical one of all. Humanity at it’s most basic core is the family unit as designed by God, how could I have been so remiss as to have ignored that. The relationship between a man and a woman that brings forth children and thus healthy continuation of the species, the very crux of all my activist endeavors. But I had missed that you see? With all the other issues worthy of attention, I had chosen to neglect the most important one of all, both in soceity as well as my very own personal existence. While I believed that I had taken the higher road of devotion, in actuality I was neglecting the fundamentals and my time with doll had made that viscerally clear. As they say, “No pain, no gain”.
Goodbye sweetheart, I hope you have a wonderful and fulfilling life where all of your dreams come true. Bye…